JUST FOR HUBERT

Auspicious beginnings.


Dear hubert,

This blog is created just for you. I need a space for u..i know it is impossible for us to talk now or even communicate..

i duno how long will i keep this blog..or if i will ever reveal this blog to u.. There are so many things for me to tell u.. but i am afraid that i might say the wrong stuffs or make u angry again.. There is a question ringing in my mind now.. do you have even a slightest love for me still? i seriously dont know the ans.. but if u were to ask me.. my love for u is just as deep.. i will be moving out tml.. i have mixed feelings.. part of me is that i feel very down.. that the fact that i will miss u more and i got to part with u.. another part of me is that i am glad.. maybe i know that by staying tgt.. things wont go well..and i know u will be very unhappy to see me around.. i know u feel inconvenience.. i know u feel irritated..


When I read the first sentence ("impossible for us to talk now..") i thought Hubert dead and "just for hubert" communication from a grieving young lady to her lover not yet cold grave. That made me sad. When someone dies they do usually stop going online to read their girlfriend's blogs, unless they have internet in heaven, but either way this was just shouting at the wind, kneeling in the rain by his open grave at the cemetary, fists shaking angrily at heaven... "HUUUUUUUBERT!!!! WHYYYYYY???" (picture her twittering "WHYYYYYYYYYY?") I felt a little guilty picking the funny bits out of that scenario. Not cool, man. Too real. However, once I flicked a single tear from my eye and read the next line of text I realized that I was back in the game.



Hubert, pictured here in a "Cunning Linguist" t-shirt, was phylisss' boyfriend for a period of time long enough to get an apartment together (and I think a pet) but not long enough to "seal the deal". He was maybe going to be the one for phylisss, but most likely not. Hubert seems to have known that.















Could a fashion like this signify closeness so strong they commit the sentiment to t-shirt format so every time one looks at the other they just think to themselves, 'yeah i know....'..

What happened? What rift developed between these starry eyed lovers that made it impossible to go on? The data is only but a glimpse of the their fractious past reflected off crushed slivers of HTML postings between Feb. 5th and 9th 2009.









At 4:33 pm, five or six hours after "The Days Without You" blog was born, this second transmission was made:

i dont know whats wrong with my life. everytime i lose u, there is sure shit in my life. everything seems wrong. my hp was spoilt, laptop was spoilt, didnt have enough $ to go and buy new ones, even repairing might be a problem, got myself very tired etc.. and now my ankle hurts like hell but i still need to come to work as i cant afford to take mc. it has been swelling for almost a week but i got totally no time to go and visit the doctor. i have no time to go SE and fix my phone. I have no time to fix my lappy.. becox i need time to sleep.. i just wanna get myself busy everyday so that once im home i can go to sleep.. i dunwan to cry myself to sleep everytime when i am not tired.. i dont know u know how much u meant to me.. i am wrong to force u to leave me.. it just hurts me so much now. really so much..

(Note, DUNWAN LAPPY d and b remix coming soon)...


According to the Kübler-Ross model of grief, there are 5 distinct stages through which one processes the experience of grievous events.

The First is denial.

There is a question ringing in my mind now.. do you have even a slightest love for me still?



the second is anger:

everytime i lose u, there is sure shit in my life. everything seems wrong.

The third is bargaining:
On Feb 6th
I know you have heard these words a hundred other times before........ And youve been hurting ........ so your heart has chose to close the door..... Love broke your heart and brought you lies..... Look in my eyes, youll see a love thats deep and true..... Tender and strong and all for you...... You can trust this love. Honest, thats the honest truth..... From the heart Im giving you everything, everything..... From the heart. I promise you that Ill be there.Ill be there to love you......

Fourth: Depression

Feb. 9th, "The Day I Officially Said Goodbye To You" appeared:
You know, there was a pinch in my heart when you helped me to move things..

i teared alot when packing.. and when u rejected me when i ask u if you wanna eat anything..

what was left is it that much.....

that i cant even see any love from you...

sorry that i may be expecting too much when i sldnt...

i hope you can have a peaceful mind after i have left...

a peaceful mind to think about what u want in your life...

i am selfish because i hope that what u want is me......

just only me.. no matter is it now, or in future..

i still see the hope in us.. that we will get married happily.. with a kid of our own ..together with maomao...

we have a flat.. and a car...

everything was well..

i know it is just all one sider..

if only i wish......

And 5: Acceptance

Feb. 9th. final post.

how are you my dearest..

it has been 2 days since i ever seen u...

the day when i went back to your house and take my luggage, you were sleeping...

sleeping soundly.. just like the days when i always look at you fast asleep..

everytime when u sleep.. i just have the urge to kiss you...

do u still rem that i used to kiss your cheeks to wake u up?

do u still rem that i used to lie on top of u and try to shake u up?

do u still rem the days you always say 5 mins when i try to wake u?

do u still rem the days when i draw on your face while u were asleep?

i feel so much wanting to do the same thing to u again..

but i know i couldnt.. and i dont know if i can in future..